If you are Alberto “Suits” Gonzales, these should be unsettling words. Historically, receiving a compliment from the Don has been the equivalent of being kissed by Michael Corleone. It does not bode well for your future.
Consider the fates of other members of la famiglia repubblica whose lips have touched the Don’s.
The Don’s kiss upon Harriet “The Hawk” Miers’ nomination to the Supreme Court:
"I picked the best person I could find. People are going to be amazed at her strength of character and her intellect."
Not exactly, although people outside of la famiglia were amazed by her lack of judicial experience and her inability to provide thorough answers to questions. Nominated on October 3, 2005, “The Hawk” withdrew her nomination on October 27 and continued as White House consigliore until resigning in January 2007. If the rumors are true, she was exiled to Sicily and now lives near the Sanctuary of the Weeping Madonna. Of course, the rumors might not be true. One can never be sure.
The Don’s kiss upon former Ambassador to the United Nations John “The Messenger” Bolton:
I'm sending Ambassador Bolton to New York with my complete confidence.
“The Messenger” may have gone to New York with the Don’s complete confidence, but he didn’t go to New York with a Senate confirmation. He didn’t have one when he returned from New York either. A section of the turf in Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey has recently been replaced, but that is probably a coincidence.
The Don’s kiss upon former FEMA director Michael Brown:
"Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job."
This is actually a mistranslation. What the Don said was “Dovete essere andati in dieci giorni.” “You must be gone in ten days. "Non guardare indietro." "Do not look back.”
The Don’s kiss upon former Secretary of Defense Donald “Bullets” Rumsfeld:
“Secretary Rumsfeld's energetic and steady leadership is exactly what is needed at this critical period. He has my full support and deepest appreciation.”
(Bonus kiss from caporegime Dick Cheney: “I think Donald Rumsfeld is the best Secretary of Defense the United States has ever had.")
“Bullets” departed after the Don and the caporegime made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. The offer was an Amtrak ticket and a ride to Union Station in a black car.
The Don’s kiss upon former Attorney General John “The Squealer” Ashcroft:
"A man of great integrity, a man of great judgment and a man who knows the law."
A man who wanted to use mail carriers as spies, a man who once lost a Senatorial election to Mel Carnahan despite the fact that Mel Carnahan was dead at the time, and a man who neatly summed up his time at the Justice Department by having a statue called The Spirit of Justice covered. La vita imita l'arte. Life imitates art.
The Don’s kiss upon Tom “The Exterminator” Delay:
I have confidence in Tom DeLay's leadership, and I have confidence in Tom DeLay.
The Don’s confidence notwithstanding, “The Exterminator” was indicted on charges of conspiracy and money laundering, but I’m sure he appreciates the Don’s confidence. He will receive a bag of oranges from an anonymous friend after he has been convicted, and he will be looking over his shoulder in the exercise yard.
In Sicily, it is called il bacio della morte. The kiss of death. Restituire i vostri libri delle biblioteche. Return your library books. Non li avrete bisogno di. You will not need them.
Alberto “Suits” Gonzales has said that he has no intention of resigning, but as his presence is a growing distraction to the Don, it will not be long before he wakes up looking into the eyes of a severed horse’s head. “Suits” may not be nervous yet, but the horses are.
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