Cow Lateral Damage

Imaginary Grapefruit is cow-friendly. If we had more space, we'd have cows in here right now. They could do some typing, work in the mail room, graze--we wouldn't care. We just like cows. We do not approve of firing missiles at cows. But when the morning news reports that the United States fired a missile at cows, it is just plain funny. It is regrettable, of course, and we will send our condolences to the families of the cows as soon as we stop laughing at the absurdity.

This is an actual news item--honestly, we have not changed a word: "A US missile strike...aimed at a man described by the Pentagon as 'a known al-Qa'ida terrorist' succeeded only in...killing three cows."

A White House press release said "We regret the cow lateral damage, but we have achieved our goal of depriving international dairyists of milk and other dairy products that we cannot mention at this time for national security reasons. These were not just cows, they were bovine extremists. America needs to be united in the war against dairyists."

Yeah, we admit that we made up that last part. We have stopped laughing and we apologize, for our country, to the families of the cows for...oh heck, we're laughing again. We have just imagined Slim Pickens riding the missile in "Dr. Strangecow."

For the cows reading this post, for your safety, if you are a cow, keep moving. America knows where you moo.

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