The above photograph was taken at a bowling alley in Altoona, Pennsylvania, where the senator from Illinois rolled a 37. It is pretty hard to roll a 37 without turning 180 degrees and flinging bowling balls at the vending machines. It might be possible if one were to toss hamsters at the pins.
This is not something to be taken lightly. If Vladimir Putin had rolled a 37, the ball would be found with a new hole just after midnight and there would be no witnesses.
Is a candidate who rolls a 37 in an Altoona bowling alley the person best qualified to lead a nation?
That seemed like a reasonable question, so we set out to determine the number of nuclear weapons that the United States currently possesses and discovered that the United States possesses a hell of a lot of nuclear weapons. A missile with a nuclear warhead has a maximum range of approximately 12,000 to 13,000 kilometers. (That's what we've been told. Missiles are not our forte.)
In our opinion, if you can't hit a bowling pin 60 feet away, you need to fork over the keys to the nuclear weapons. You aren't going to hit a target 13,000 kilometers away. When you can roll a strike from a distance of 60 feet, you can have the keys to the nuclear weapons back, but only if you promise to not use them.
Think we're making too much of this? Dennis Kucinich, a Congressman from Ohio and an unlucky presidential candidate wouldn't agree--his Web site has a list of bowling alleys in his state's 10th Congressional district and links to eight other bowling Web sites including the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame. (We aren't kidding: http://kucinich.house.gov/Polka/bowlingalleys.htm)
In fact, the link between bowling and the White House goes back more than 60 years. A bowling alley was built in the West Wing in 1947 for Harry Truman, and there is currently a one-lane bowling alley in the basement, under the North Portico.
(Notice that Nixon is in color and the guy on the right isn't.)
After hearing that Barack Obama rolled a 37, Hillary Clinton challenged the senator from Illinois to a bowling match and, if it happens, our money is on the senator from New York.
Bowling for the White House! We like the idea.
