1 hour 18 minutes ago
Grande Bouche, NJ -- The CEO of Imaginary Grapefruit Publishing has just concluded his annual address to shareholders and is at this moment giving an informal lecture on the difference between riesling and pinot gris. The address to I-Grape shareholders ended with a surprising announcement of an ambitious plan to remake Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, and the electricity in the air was palpable. Here are some of the highlights of the CEO’s address:
“It’s been another good year for Imaginary Grapefruit Publishing, and we’ve had some great successes. Show me a driver in this country who doesn’t have a copy of The Importance of Properly Inflated Tires. I’m particularly proud of the success we’ve had with 1001 Uses for Oatmeal That You’ve Never Considered. And our e-publishing division recently launched a new Web site for healthcare consumers, www.howtoapplyaband-aid.com.” (Applause.)
“Nevertheless, we at Imaginary Grapefruit Publishing recognize that some of our titles are not selling as well as they used to, and need to be updated. That’s why the first project on our editorial calendar for the new year is a makeover of The Canterbury Tales. This property has done well for us over the past 600 years, and we think it still has legs. ‘The Wife of Bath’s Tale’ always gets high marks in consumer satisfaction surveys. But ‘The Reeve’s Tale,’ ‘The Franklin’s Tale,’ ‘The Canon’s Yeoman’s Tale,’ and ‘The Manciple’s Tale’— they’re so 1386. Really, what is a manciple? You tell me. We need some fresh ideas.”
“We’ve received permission from Chaucer’s estate to update these laggards with exciting new tales that we think will revitalize the entire Canterbury franchise. The first releases will be ‘The Personal Investment Counselor’s Tale,’ ‘The Satellite Dish Installer’s Tale,’ ‘The Congressional Page’s Tale,’ and ‘The Graphic Novelist’s Tale.’” (Applause.)
“We expect to have iPod compatible downloads of the new Canterbury Tales available by Q3. Enjoy the reception, and please take one of the Chaucer bobblehead figurines on your way out. Thank you.” (Standing ovation.)
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